Stuck in the Middle
by madison.evangeline
Summary: Alec loves Jace. Jace loves Alec. Isabelle swore to each never to tell the other. She has to do something. But you can't break an oath and a relationship between parabatai is against Clave Law. What do you do when you're stuck in the middle of that? JALEC
1. Prologue

**AN: So... JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JALEC JA-**

**Ahem. Anyway, this is going to be a multi-chaptered fic. I'll leave the rating as T right now, but it might change to M later on. FYI: This is set before City of Bones. No Clary, no Magnus, no Valentine etc. I hope it makes sense :S**

**Summary: Alec loves Jace, and he's made Isabelle swear not to tell. Jace loves Alec, and he's made Isabelle swear not to tell. So either Isabelle's going to be driven mad by those two idiots or she's going to have to do something about it. But you can't break a Shadowhunter's oath, and there's that little issue of parabatai being forbidden to have a relationship by Clave Law...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Absolutely nothing.**

Flashback: Alec is just under 15, Jace is 14 and Izzy is just over 13

"_Why do you always look at Jace like that?" Isabelle asked curiously. They were sitting in a corner of the training room while Jace took his turn being instructed by Hodge on the correct way to handle a seraph blade. Alec had been staring at him, paying rapt attention to every move Jace made. Now Alec was staring at Isabelle, eyes widening slightly._

"_Like- like what?" Alec asked nervously. He bit his lip, waiting for an answer, and frowned unhappily. Isabelle frowned back at him._

"_I dunno. You're always watching him. It's kinda stalker-ish." Isabelle thought for a moment. "Whenever he's near you, you never pay attention to anyone else. Whenever someone says his name you always start listening to them. It's, like, an obsession or something."_

_Alec's jaw dropped, and Isabelle was surprised by the look of horror on her brother's face. She had been joking about the obsession part, really. Alec didn't seem to get that. He abruptly stood up and his face cleared of emotion. He looked towards Hodge and, pointedly ignoring Jace, shouted over to him._

"_I'm just showing Izzy that book on naming seraph blades. She doesn't quite get it." Hodge nodded and smiled at Isabelle reassuringly._

"_Don't worry about it. People rarely understand it first time round," Hodge told her kindly. Isabelle just smiled vaguely, and looked at Alec in confusion. He was already heading towards the door, not checking to see if she was following him. Jace snorted derisively._

"_I got it first time. Does that just make me even more awesome than before?" Hodge rolled his eyes and turned back to him. Isabelle hurried out the room after Alec._

"_Alec? What is it?" She asked once she was out of earshot. Alec was leaning against the wall, tense and stressed looking. He grabbed his sister's hand and pulled her through the halls of the Institute, not slowing until they'd reached his bedroom. He gently pushed her inside. Alec's room had previously been all-black, like some kind of emo den. Not long ago he'd changed it to white. He'd said it was just time for a change, but they all knew it was because he'd found out that he was scared of spiders and was worried he wouldn't see them against his walls._

_Alec dropped Izzy's hand and sat down heavily on his double bed. He put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He drew a shaky breath. He remained silent._

"_Alec?" Isabelle asked uncertainly. "Allie?" Alec looked up. Isabelle hadn't called him that in years. Alec looked guiltily at the tears welling up in her eyes, and knew that Isabelle thought she'd done something to make him angry. He sighed and patted the mattress next to him. Izzy walked over slowly and sat beside him._

"_Sorry, Iz," Alec told her, taking his younger sister's small hand in his own. "You haven't done anything."_

"_Then what's wrong?" Isabelle asked, giving Alec's hand a squeeze. She had a concerned frown on her face, making her look much older than thirteen. Much more like their mother, though more caring than Maryse ever managed to look. Alec swallowed the lump in his throat._

"_It's Jace."_

_The words were simple, but they had a huge effect on Alec. He was seized by a sudden panic, as well as relief. He'd said it. He wasn't alone now. He couldn't backtrack what he'd said, not to Isabelle, the most stubborn Shadowhunter ever to walk the face of the Earth. Isabelle frowned deeper._

"_What about him? Is it what I said back there?" Isabelle looked at Alec, trying to understand him. Alec wouldn't meet her gaze, and shut his eyes. He screwed up his face as if in pain._

"_I... I like him."_

"_Yeah, so do I. What about him?"_

"_No, I... I _really_ like him." Alec turned his face away so Isabelle couldn't see his expression. What did he mean? He liked Jace? It sounded like... But..._

"_But you're a boy. And Jace is a boy," Izzy stated in bewilderment._

"_I _know_, Isabelle." Alec ripped his hand from hers and stood suddenly, moving to his window and staring down at the street several storeys below them. Isabelle watched him, shocked._

"_Are you... gay?" Isabelle asked timidly, fearing of Alec's reaction. The word was foreign to her. The only time she'd heard it was during a very awkward 'talk' with her mother. "When a man has romantic feelings towards another man or has a sexual relationship with him." Maryse had said, sounding like she was reciting a textbook. Actually, Izzy was pretty sure her mother was reciting it from somewhere. Other than that, Isabelle had never thought about such an event. Why hadn't she noticed Alec was gay? Alec had always been just... well, Alec. Isabelle considered the weight behind her words. Gay. She repeated the word in her head, but it didn't start to sound any more familiar. Not something she'd associate with Alec, at least._

"_Does it matter?" demanded Alec bitterly. "Jace isn't." Alec looked at Isabelle and, in that moment, Izzy decided that she didn't care what Alec was. Alec was taking deep, slow breaths and his eyes were damp. He gritted his teeth and looked out the window again. On an impulse, Isabelle stood and hurried to him. She went around so she was facing Alec and wrapped her arms around him. She leant her head against his chest, him being more than a foot taller than her. Alec let out a muffled sob and hugged Isabelle back. Her heart just about broke. Isabelle's family was her world; when they were hurting, she hurt too._

_And right now, she was hurting a lot._

_Izzy loosened her arms and pulled away slightly, so she could crane her neck to look at Alec's face. She brought up her hand to wipe away the fallen tears trickling down his face. She considered what to say now, and didn't care that Hodge would be wondering why they were taking so long._

"_What are we going to do now?" She asked._

"_Nothing." Alec looked her right in the eye, shaking his head. "Absolutely nothing. You can't tell him about this, Iz."_

_Isabelle chewed at her lip. "Okay," she lied. Alec frowned seriously. For someone who was a terrible liar himself, he could sure pick out someone lying from a mile away._

"_No, Isabelle, you don't get it," Alec said pleadingly. "The Clave..." Alec faltered and swallowed nervously. He let Izzy go but she didn't move away. Alec sighed. "The Clave doesn't like it. They strip your Marks and throw you out to live like a mundie. I'd never see you again, any of you. What's the point?"_

"_But maybe-"_

"_Isabelle, there are no buts. Trust me; I've researched it and everything. Even if Jace did like me back, there's nothing we could do about it." Alec met Isabelle's eyes and knew that she was still contemplating that there must be some way to talk to Jace. Alec bit his lip, panicking. "Izzy, please. Swear it."_

"_Mom says I'm too young to Swear anything," Izzy reminded him, a little scared. Alec smiled despite himself._

"_Since when have you listened to anything Mom's ever said?"_

_Isabelle smiled back ruefully. She took a deep breath and said, "Okay. What do I have to do?"_

"_You need to say 'I swear on the Angel never to tell Jace what you told me'."_

"_What? Is that it?" Isabelle frowned, feeling a bit disappointed. Maryse had always made out Oaths to be a big deal and really 'dangerous'. Alec nodded._

"_Yeah. When they say it's dangerous, they're usually talking about what happens when you break them." Izzy shivered at Alec's dark tone, even though he was only teasing her._

"_So do I just repeat that?"_

"_Yep. No, wait! Add in Mom and Dad too." Alec waited for her to speak._

"_Right." Isabelle cleared her throat and looked Alec right in the eye. "I swear on the Angel never to tell Jace, Mom or Dad what you told me," she said clearly._

_They both waited for a minute before Isabelle broke the silence. "Did it work?" She was expecting something to happen. She didn't know what, just _something_._

"_Yeah, that's it." Once it was done, Alec looked guilty. "I shouldn't have done that," he said miserably, biting his lip yet again. "I mean it Izzy, if you tell them-"_

"_Alec, I promise I'll never tell them," Isabelle said earnestly. "Promise."_

_Her brother smiled at her, the worry not quite disappearing from his eyes. He glanced at his watch and winced. "Crap. We need to get back." Just as he made to turn around, Isabelle caught his arm._

"_Wait. Come here." She pulled him into his bathroom and turned on the cold water. "You're all blotchy."_

"_Ah, thanks." Alec stuck his hand in the water and dabbed it over his face until the red started to disappear._

"_Ready?" Asked Isabelle when Alec turned off the tap._

"_Yeah." Alec smiled at her gratefully before leading her back down to the training room. Jace was slouched on the bench in the corner with a bored look on his face. When he looked up and saw the two of them, his face lit up. Isabelle heard Alec catch his breath and glanced at him from the corner of her eye, to see him smiling gently, staring straight back at Jace. Isabelle smiled sadly and wondered if Alec even realised what he was doing._


	2. Chapter One

**AN: The last chapter was kind of like the prologue, so here's chapter one! Thanks for the reviews :D**

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"What's your favourite colour?"

"Hmm... purple. Okay, what's your favourite... um, car?"

"I don't know, that's a stupid question." Jace stretched in his chair, looking bored. He looked at the clock on the wall pointedly. Isabelle kicked his shin from under the table, making him jump.

"Oh, like yours were so much better. Go on, _you _think of a better one," she said impatiently. Jace opened his mouth, but then he frowned and shut it again. They both sat in silence for a while, thinking up more random questions. They were both stuck in the Institute's kitchen while Alec was being forced through an exam by Hodge. They'd laughed at the thought of him struggling through it for a while, but it had stopped being funny after nearly half an hour.

"Most embarrassing moment?" Jace asked suddenly.

"Oh, easy. I didn't have enough money at the checkout in Macy's and I had to give back all of my clothes." Isabelle cringed at the memory. Jace blinked.

"How is that embarrassing? That happens to loads of people." Jace gave her a look that clearly said how much of an idiot he thought she was. Izzy narrowed her eyes back.

"Well, I already know yours, don't I? Oh yeah, the whole _world_ knows about that one." Isabelle smirked when the flush started to creep into Jace's cheeks.

"Shut up! I thought we agreed never to talk about that?"

"Did we? I don't remember that." Isabelle bit back a laugh. "I always thought the antlers were kind of random. Suited you, though." Jace gritted his teeth. It was his own fault, Isabelle reasoned. After all, Maryse had _told_ him never to eat faerie food. But no, he'd eaten that stupid plum and that was it. Jace's streak down Madison Avenue even made it onto the mundane news. "And in winter! Remember all the snow? I'm surprised you never got frostbite. I thought something might have to be amputated-"

"Next question," Jace said loudly, determinedly keeping a straight face. Isabelle thought quickly.

"Right. If you could take back one thing in your life, what would it be?"

"Being parabatai with Alec," Jace answered without thinking. Then, almost comically, he slapped his hand over his mouth. His eyes snapped up and met Isabelle's, as if only just realising who he was talking to. Her jaw dropped, and her heart sank. Oh God, no. Her brother being in love with someone he could never be with was bad enough. But Jace saying he didn't want Alec as his parabatai was so much worse. What was she going to say to him? Alec was going to finish his exam and then hang out with Jace, staring at him longingly while Jace didn't even _like _Alec? Not even as his friend?

"What the hell do you mean?" asked Isabelle in panic. Jace didn't lower his hand. "Answer me, Jace Wayland!"

"I... it's not what you think," he said quickly, running his hand back through his hair while guilt spread across his face. He glanced at the door and then back at Izzy, his forehead creasing. "Do you promise you won't think I'm a freak?"

"I already do," Isabelle replied automatically. She quickly backtracked when the irritation flashed through his eyes. "I mean, I promise." Isabelle clamped her mouth shut to stop herself from adding something like _but if you say one word against my brother I will do something a bit worse than call you a 'freak'._

"Umm..." Jace looked at the floor. Isabelle watched him with rising impatience.

"Jace, just say it already!"

"I think I love him," Jace said quietly, finally meeting Izzy's eyes. She didn't say anything, just stared at him. And kept staring at him. Then she stared at him some more. She didn't know what expression was on her face, but it wasn't long before Jace started to look worried. "Isabelle?" No answer. "Izzy? Say something!"

"You-" This was so not happening. "That's great!" she exclaimed thoughtlessly. Jace gave a startled laugh.

"_What?_ How is that 'great'?" Jace leaned his chair back on two legs and stared at the ceiling. "It's a disaster."

"Well... maybe," Isabelle said desperately, her mind racing. "But maybe it doesn't have to be."

"What do you mean?" Jace asked dully.

"You two could, um, go out?" Izzy suggested hopefully, crossing her fingers.

"Didn't you hear me earlier?" Jace sighed angrily, letting his chair thud back down on all four legs with a bang. "Why do you think I said I would take back becoming his parabatai?"

"Oh, yeah..." Isabelle's heart constricted. Illegal. Stripped of Marks. Thrown out the Clave. Etcetera, etcetera. "You could keep it a secret," she said half-heartedly. Jace shook his head.

"Lying to everyone we know? I mean, I couldn't live like that. And you _know _someone would find out." Jace's eyes glazed over. "Anyway, Alec wouldn't do that." When Isabelle looked confused, he added, "He doesn't like me like that."

"How can you be sure?" Isabelle asked in surprise, knowing just how wrong Jace was.

"I kind of... you know... hinted some stuff." Jace screwed up his face in embarrassment. "Trust me, Izzy, he doesn't." Isabelle's eyes widened. By the Angel, Alec was the biggest _idiot_ she'd ever met. She couldn't believe this. Why hadn't he _told _her what Jace had said? Jace seemed certain, and Isabelle had no idea what he'd said, but it must've been pretty obvious. Trust Alec to be completely oblivious. Isabelle almost opened her mouth to ask what he'd said, but decided against it. It would most likely be humiliating. She winced at the thought.

"I'd never have thought you were gay. Not in a million years."

"I'm not," said Jace, looking genuinely shocked. Isabelle sighed.

"Bi, then."

"Isabelle, I'm straight." Jace frowned at her like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Isabelle raised her eyebrows.

"Well, I'm sorry, but you can't be! Jace, there's nothing wrong with liking guys-"

"I don't like _guys_," Jace interrupted in exasperation. "I like _Alec_." Isabelle paused to appreciate that what Jace had just said was actually quite cute before interrupting him.

"Alec _is_ a guy," Izzy reminded him. "Haven't you noticed?"

"I know that, idiot." Jace said distractedly. He cocked his head to the side. "Did you hear that?"

"I don't-" Izzy fell silent. There were footsteps, still quite far away, but definitely coming nearer. The two teenagers looked at each other quickly.

"Tell him and die," Jace all but snarled at her, so different from Alec pleading with her years ago. Izzy automatically bristled with indignation.

"Just for that, I'm going to call every single Downworlder I know. They'll spread the gossip for me-" She was cut off as Jace tackled her. He pushed her against the wall, his arm braced against her throat. For a horrible second Isabelle actually thought Jace was actually going to kill her, but then felt stupid when she realised that she could still breathe. "What the hell are you doing?" she demanded, clawing at his arm.

"I just-" Jace glanced over his shoulder when he heard the footsteps advancing down the hallway leading to the kitchen. "Swear you won't tell," he said quickly.

"Are you kidding?" Isabelle hissed in disbelief, more to herself than Jace. There was no way she could live knowing that her two best friends were in love with each other while they didn't know it themselves. She would go insane. Kill herself, maybe. Although, maybe Jace and Alec would hook up at her funeral because they were so lonely without her-

"Isabelle! Hurry up!" Jace whispered desperately. "Please!"

"Fine!" Isabelle snapped, furious at herself. The moment Jace said 'please' her resolve crumbled into nothing. Jace never said please. Ever. He must have wanted this pretty bad, if he was willing to cast aside his dignity like that. "I swear on the Angel never to tell Alec what you told me," she said, quickly and bitterly. Jace let out a breath she hadn't realised he had been holding in, and let her go. They threw themselves back into their seats just as Hodge and Alec walked through the door, feigning innocence.

"Um, what are you doing?" Alec asked cautiously, looking at Isabelle in confusion, and still standing in the doorway. Isabelle wondered how pissed off she must have looked right now. Of course, it didn't take much to get Alec worried. She shook her head slightly, eyes widening to try and convey a warning. She didn't want Hodge asking questions.

"What does it look like we're doing?" Jace asked impatiently, rolling his eyes. Izzy glanced at him lounging in his chair. How could he look that composed after what had just happened? How the hell could he manage to stare at Alec so calmly while Alec couldn't look at Jace for more than five seconds without blushing?

"Sitting," Alec replied, trying to cover up his mistake and therefore completely missing the fact that it was a rhetorical question. Isabelle shut her eyes, feeling the embarrassment that should have been her brother's. Alec wandered over to the cupboards so he could turn his back on them.

"No shit," Jace muttered. Apparently, being in love with Alec didn't stop you from noticing that he was a bit, well, for lack of a better word, stupid sometimes.

"Jace," Hodge said reprovingly, though he smiled to let Jace know that he wasn't really bothered. The older man moved to the fridge with hope in his eyes. His face fell, and Isabelle was momentarily distracted.

"I can cook something for us!" Alec spewed the water he was drinking straight back out, spluttering, while Jace looked ready to faint. Hodge quickly plastered a big smile on his face.

"Oh no, Isabelle, don't worry. I'll- I'll-" Hodge gestured around the room for inspiration. "I'll order takeaway," he said, noticing a menu lying on the messy worktop.

"Chinese!" Jace said eagerly.

"We had that last night," Alec reminded him. "And the night before that. And the night-"

"So what?"

"What do you mean, _so what_-?"

"We're having Chinese," Hodge broke in warily, before Jace and Alec could start arguing properly. "We could always go for a world record." He left the room, shaking his head, to go to the phone. The two boys fell silent.

"So..." Izzy broke the silence. Jace and Alec turned to look at her simultaneously. "How was the exam, Alec?"

"Oh, it was terrible," Alec informed them. "I've failed for sure." Isabelle made a mental note to teach Alec the meaning of the word _optimism_. Jace snorted.

"Alec, it was on _botany_. How could you have failed a quiz on _plants_?" Jace said derisively. Isabelle wasn't surprised to see the blush flooding through Alec's cheeks.

"Okay, it was an _exam_, not a _quiz_. And it's really difficult when you're allergic to them!"

"How is it difficult? Just read the textbook! Or are you allergic to their pictures as well?"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"No you-"

"By the Angel!" Isabelle shouted, knowing that the two of them would be quite happy to stay there for the rest of the day. "Both of you shut up!"

Isabelle left the two boys in an awkward silence. She hurried upstairs, along some corridors and up some more stairs, barely even needing to pay attention to where she was going. She felt like banging her head against a wall. She burst into her bedroom and collapsed on her bed, groaning.

"Why me? _Why?_ God, those IDIOTS!" Izzy screamed the last word, letting out a frustrated shout and tugging at her long hair. The kitchen was far enough away that the idiots in question wouldn't hear her. The only person that would hear her was Hodge, and he was too used to her behaviour to think anything of it.

Isabelle finally shut up. She lay motionless on her back, seething. _This is ridiculous, _she thought in disbelief. _Unbelievable._ It was so unbelievable that Izzy briefly considered that they might actually be making this whole thing up.

She sat up slowly and sighed angrily. What was she going to do now? Those brothers of hers were imbeciles. Freaks. Stupid and thick and every other insulting adjective she could think of.

It had started about three years ago. Alec had admitted that he was gay and that he liked Jace. As in, _liked_ Jace. A year after that, Robert had suggested that they become parabatai. Isabelle had told Alec not to do it. She'd told him over and over what a bad idea it was. It was illegal to have a relationship with your parabatai. But Alec had argued that it didn't matter, because Jace didn't like him back anyway. They would never have a relationship no matter what. And so Isabelle had left the subject alone.

She knew that Alec had only agreed to do it because he thought it meant that Jace would pay more attention to him. She'd sat through the entire ceremony willing Alec to stop, but he hadn't. He'd just let it happen. And so Alec and Jace had become parabatai.

But _now_ Jace was convinced that he liked Alec back. Which he only realised _after _it was illegal. Of course. Why not make it even more difficult for everyone? Alec had once told Isabelle that the Clave would throw you out just because you were gay. That wasn't true. They'd hate it and be mean to you, but they wouldn't throw you out. And they didn't even live in Idris, so the Clave would hardly ever get a chance to hurl insults at them.

A relationship between parabatai, on the other hand, was nothing like that. If they caught you once, they'd separate you. Twice, then you were as good as mundanes. She'd heard rumours saying that they put glamours on the pair so that they could never find each other again, after they'd been stripped of their Marks. Isabelle didn't know how that was possible. She didn't even know why it was so bad for them to be together in the first place. Something had happened a long time ago, and it had been illegal ever since. That was all she'd been told about it.

Parabatai. A perfect pair of hunting partners. Closer than brothers. More than once, Isabelle had wondered just what _closer than brothers_ actually meant.

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AN: Review? Please? It'll get better further into the story! Er, I hope...


	3. Chapter Two

**AN: Sorry if this chapter is kind of, well, shit. I realised that I haven't updated this in forever (nearly two months. Holy crap!), so I just sat down and forced myself to write it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the Mortal Instruments.**

* * *

"Alec, you're _lying _to him!" Isabelle said angrily. Recently, her patience in her brother had worn dangerously thin. "Doesn't that make you feel bad?"

"I'm not lying to him!" Despite the fact that he was arguing with her, Isabelle could see the guilt in Alec's eyes. "I'm just... withholding information..."

"That is the most pathetic comeback ever. I've just lost all the respect I've ever had for you. Though it's not like I had much in the first place." Isabelle gathered up her study books and glared at Alec, though it was lost on him because he was no longer paying attention to her. "Honestly, Alec, you're such a loser."

Her brother looked at her steadily. "Do you think that's why Jace doesn't like me?"

"Oh, for the-" Izzy screwed her eyes shut, resisting the urge to slap him. "No, Alec, Jace does _like _you." Isabelle opened her eyes to wait for Alec's reaction, but he didn't seem to notice the emphasis she put on 'like'.

"Don't try to be nice to me, Isabelle. I know he doesn't," Alec said glumly, face carefully devoid of emotion. He gestured to her hastily collected books. "See? Even you don't want to spend time with me. Why would Jace?"

"I _do_ like spending time with you, when you stop all your, 'Jace will never love me, I'm so depressed, I'm going to become a mundane' crap," Isabelle said in exasperation, carefully planning her next words. "And I'm _sure_ Jace _loves _spending time with _you_, too."

"Sure. Whatever."

_Fine. Be like that, idiot._ Isabelle decided to give up for the day. She didn't even bother answering back as she marched out of the library, ignoring Jace, who was seated near the door, when he glanced up at her as she passed. Izzy had known from the minute that Jace had walked into the room that Alec wouldn't be far behind. And then they'd go through the whole regime again: her hinting to him, him not getting it, her getting annoyed, him being emo, her storming off.

She slowed her pace. If she went to her room, there was a fifty per cent chance that Alec would follow her. There was also a fifty per cent of Jace following her, instead. She didn't know who was more annoying. Alec would come and moan at her. Jace would come and insult her because... he was Jace, and that's what Jace did.

Isabelle stopped abruptly, turning around and heading back past the library and to Hodge's study. She knocked on the door, and entered when Hodge's voice told her to. Izzy often thought that the room looked just like a smaller version of the library. Hodge looked like he always did, wearing a crisp suit and sitting with his back dead straight. Hugo was perched with his head under a wing on top of a bookcase.

"Um... can I sit in here for a while?" Izzy asked hopefully. Hodge gave her a quizzical look, and she added, "Alec and Jace are being really annoying."

"Of course," he said, looking amused. He noticed the textbooks clasped in her hands. "Do you need help studying?" Izzy shook her head. She sat down heavily on the extra chair at Hodge's desk. After a stretch of silence, Hodge spoke.

"Are you sure you're alright, Isabelle?" Izzy looked up at him from under her lashes. "You've been acting down lately." She shrugged. "If you need to talk to someone, I'm always here if you need me. Your parents will be back from Idris soon enough."

Isabelle realised that Hodge was waiting for an answer. Before she could think one up, she blurted out, "I was just thinking about Alec and Jace."

"Oh." Hodge sounded taken aback. This obviously wasn't what he was expecting. He gave her a slightly funny look. "What about them?"

"Umm..." Crap. "You know. They're parabatai. They're so close; it kind of feels like... I don't know. They don't like me as much as they like each other."

_They _definitely _don't like me as much as they like each other._ Isabelle blushed. Hodge noticed but, thankfully, jumped to the wrong conclusion.

"That's nothing to be embarrassed about. Parabatai are always close, instinctively. It can feel as if you're being left out, but the bond between parabatai is so different than the bond of family, or friendship. I can promise you that both your brothers think very highly of you." Hodge smiled reassuringly. Isabelle smiled back weakly. Her tutor noticed her lack of enthusiasm and frowned. "You were never taught about any of this, were you?"

"No. Mom only taught Alec and Jace because they were going to become parabatai. It was 'none of my business', apparently."

"Well, technically, that's the only time you should be taught about it, according to the Clave." Izzy could sense Hodge about to go into his 'the Law is the Law' mode, and she quickly intervened.

"Did you never think that the reason I never asked about it was that I don't actually _know_ anyone who could be my parabatai?" Isabelle said, sounding as earnest as possible. Hodge looked at her thoughtfully.

"That's a good point. I apologise for never asking." Izzy tried not to look guilty. "_Do_ you want to have a parabatai?"

_Never in a million years._ "Yeah! Alec and Jace are. It's so not fair."

"You know, there's a lot more to it than that," Hodge told her sternly.

"I know, but _unfortunately_ I've never been told what it is," Isabelle hinted, giving Hodge a hopeful smile. He rolled his eyes at her, catching on immediately.

"Fine, fine. Hm, where should I start?" Hodge thought aloud. He tapped a finger against his chin thoughtfully. Isabelle fidgeted impatiently. Hodge looked at her sheepishly. "You know, I would appreciate it if you _didn't_ tell your mother that I've told you this."

"_Duh_. Are you crazy?" Hodge looked reassured.

"Well, it's a permanent Mark; you can't just decide that you don't want to be parabatai anymore, and-"

"Wait. So you can _never_, you know, break up?" Isabelle's heart sank. Hodge shook his head.

"It's a _permanent _Mark-"

"Yeah, well, so is the marriage one, but people can still get divorced, can't they?" Isabelle said, wishing she had paid more attention when being taught about all this in the first place. "You just put a line through it, right?"

"That's true, but the parabatai binding rune is quite different than that. It's a lot more powerful, for one thing-"

"Okay." Izzy was fighting off the huge scowl she could feel forming on her face, knowing Hodge would take it personally. "What about-"

"_Isabelle._ You do know I don't _have _to tell you this? Actually, I really _shouldn't _be-"

"Okay, okay! I know," Isabelle said impatiently. Hodge raised his eyebrows.

"No more interrupting?"

"Oh, _fine._ I'll do my best." Izzy narrowed her eyes. "Sorry," she added as an afterthought. Hodge, who was quite used to Isabelle's manners (or lack thereof) by now, just rolled his eyes.

"Hm, right. Well, it's quite rare nowadays to get parabatai, since most people don't really have someone that they are willing to commit to before they're eighteen." Hodge paused to take a breath and waved a hand to let Isabelle talk. "No questions this time?" he asked, with only a hint of sarcasm.

Izzy chewed her lip. "Yeah," she said finally. "What do you mean, 'nowadays' it's quite rare?"

"Well, there was a time when almost every Shadowhunter had a parabatai."

Hodge didn't seem inclined to say any more on the subject, but Isabelle pressed on. "Why don't they now?"

"Well..." Unless it was her imagination, Hodge looked slightly uncomfortable. "Because parabatai were so... _close_... they didn't... feel the need to marry."

"So? People didn't get married. Why's that a big deal?"

Hodge sighed. "People weren't getting married, so they weren't having children. You know how precarious our population is. The number of Shadowhunters was slowly dwindling, and, with the way things were looking, pretty soon there wouldn't be enough of us left to fight demons at all."

"Oh_._ But... why couldn't they just get married and have children _with_ their parabatai?"

"You can't," Hodge said simply.

"What? What do you mean?" Isabelle asked in confusion.

"Well, you could marry them, obviously, but you can't have children." Hodge searched for the words as he regarded Isabelle's blank face. "You can't conceive. We're not entirely sure why."

Isabelle understood then. Thinking quickly, she wondered what to do with this new information. Alec and Jace were both _guys_. It's not like they could've had kids in the first place. Pushing that rather disturbing thought away, Izzy remembered something else. That was the reason for the Clave disliking it when you were gay: you wouldn't have children. They didn't throw you out because hardly anyone actually _was_ gay, so it wouldn't have a huge effect on the population anyway. So... would it matter if Alec and Jace got together? Isabelle didn't think so, but she didn't know for sure.

She was vaguely aware that Hodge was still talking, but Isabelle was too engrossed in her own thoughts that she couldn't distinguish the words. Here she was, with Hodge, the one person who would have the answers to everything she needed to know. And she couldn't think of how to ask him.

What to say? How could she phrase it so it didn't sound like she was asking about her brothers? _So, imagine that you fell in love with your parabatai... but you were both guys..._ What does that have to do with her?

_So frustrating._

"I think I preferred it when you were interrupting me. At least, then, you were paying attention," Hodge said in exasperation.

"I'm really sorry, Hodge," Isabelle said. He didn't look convinced. _Quick, think of something!_ "Um, but if there used to be loads of people who were parabatai, how come there aren't loads now?"

"Well, the Clave just stopped allowing people. They used to just let anyone be paired together, but now they're a lot more selective. You'll also notice that any parabatai you see are usually the same sex. You can still get a male-female partnership, of course, but they're generally a lot rarer. Another thing, like in the case of Jace and Alec-"

"What about them?" Izzy, who had only been half-listening, asked abruptly. Her heart sped up a little faster, in panic. She hadn't said anything, had she? _Oh, God, please no._

"I was just going to say that there usually needs to be parental permission." Hodge frowned at her, concerned. Isabelle could sense that her time was running out, and threw hazard to the wind.

"So, is that the only reason parabatai can't, you know, go out? Because they can't have kids?" she asked, trying to seem casual.

"Well, yes, I suppose," Hodge replied. He opened his mouth to say more, but Isabelle cut him off.

"Then that's why there are mostly two girls or two guys, right?"

"Yes, but-"

"_So,_ the Clave wouldn't throw you out and stuff, if they went out, because they don't throw out people if they're gay?"

"Wait... what?"

Isabelle exhaled slowly. "The Clave doesn't throw someone out to be a mundane if they're gay, right?"

"No," Hodge confirmed. He didn't say anything, but he was definitely starting to look suspicious now.

"So if two people, say two guys, were together. You know, like, romantically. They obviously couldn't have kids. But the Clave wouldn't care. Well, not enough that they get thrown out. _But _then_,_ _if_ those two guys were to become parabatai, _would the Clave throw them out?_"

Hodge didn't answer immediately. He gave her a look so wary she wondered if he was intending to answer at all. Izzy shifted her weight, prepared to run for it if she had to, and all the while the tension was so bad she was nearly passing out.

"Yes," Hodge said abruptly.

"Ye... _yes?_" Isabelle's jaw went slack. "_Why?_"

"Think about it. If they allowed one kind of relationship, then people would want all kinds allowed. It's only fair that if the Clave allowed same-sex relationships for parabatai, they should allow normal ones as well. So, they didn't allow any kind. That way, everyone's equal."

"Yeah, 'cause the Clave's all about _equality._" Isabelle stood up, suddenly angry. She had been _so damn close._ She should be grateful that Hodge told her anything at all, knew she was being horrendously rude. But then she remembered that Hodge couldn't tell her mom about her rudeness, because then he'd have to admit about telling Isabelle all the secret Clave stuff. Ha ha. When she got to the door, however, she turned back to face him.

"What did you mean by _normal _relationships?"

"What?" Hodge looked confused.

"You said same-sex relationships, and then you said _normal _ones," Isabelle said, voice shaking slightly. She gritted her teeth. "What, if you're gay you're _abnormal_ then, are you?"

"Isabelle, I didn't mean it like-"

"Whatever." Izzy spun around and wrenched the door open. She didn't glance back as she left the room, slamming the door as hard as she could behind her. In all honesty, she knew Hodge hadn't meant anything by his wording, but she was too pissed off to care. Stupid Hodge. Stupid Clave. Stupid Jace and stupid Alec. Stupid _everything._ _Why _did it have to be so _difficult_? As she marched away, something hit her.

Hodge had said that people hadn't wanted to get married because they were so close to their parabatai. How close did you have to be to someone for you to not want to marry someone else? Answer: _pretty damn close._ Which is why the Clave usually only allow two people of the same sex to become parabatai. Because they made homosexuality into something bad, frowned upon, something that would make other people look down on you. Nobody wants to be subject to that. So, when you and your parabatai _inevitably_ fallinfucking_ love,_ you pretend otherwise, so people accept you. Because you don't know that it's normal for you to feel like that towards them.

Isabelle knew what Jace meant now, when he insisted he was straight. He couldn't help falling for Alec, in the same way that Alec couldn't help falling for Jace-

No. _No, no, no_. It wasn't the same at all. Izzy had been angry at Jace for only figuring out he loved Alec after it was illegal. After they were parabatai. Alec had admitted to her years before that. Before their father had even suggested it. Isabelle was certain Alec was _definitely_ in love with Jace. But _Jace._ If Alec wasn't his parabatai, would Jace be interested in Alec at all?

* * *

**AN: Right, as for the huge wait between chapters: I have exams, which is not helping. I've done four, so I'm halfway, but don't expect regular updates for a while yet. I apologise for being a failure *hangs head in shame*. But panic not, I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP THIS STORY. (Or my other story, which I** **_still_ haven't updated. SORRY)**

**As for the people who have reviewed, you guys are too nice. I seriously love you :) As for the people who haven't, well, since asking nicely doesn't seem to work all that well... REVIEW GODDAMNIT BEFORE I KILL YOU. Hate this chapter? THEN TELL ME! (Also, did you guys all understand what was going on? It seemed kind of confusing when I re-read some parts...)**

**One more thing... OMG GUYS HAVE YOU READ THE MALEC SCENE THAT CASSIE WROTE OMG IT'S SO CUTE AHHH YOU NEED TO READ IT AHHH I LOVE MALEC! That being said, I now feel that the way I write Alec is really out of character. Grr. I'm off to read it again, anyway.**

**Oh, I remembered another thing... HOW AWESOME WAS CITY OF FALLEN ANGELS? I could go on about it forever, but my AN would be longer than the actual story...**

**PS: This is from Cassie Clare's twitter, so this is basically all we know about it: **_**Parabatai can be boy-boy, boy-girl, or girl-girl. They must choose each other before either of them turns eighteen. There is a ceremony. It is done in the Silent City. You will get to hear about it in Clockwork Prince. You can have only one parabatai in your life: the only way to break the bond is death, or one of you becoming Downworlder or mundane (or both). You can't have a romantic relationship with your parabatai. It's against the Law. Yes, there's a reason***_

***Yeah, so I just made up a reason for this story.**

**Have a nice day. (If you read all that rambling, I'm impressed :D)**


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